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...come sit next to me. As always, ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) psychic_serpent is made of win. And I want to talk more about what she talked about. I spent the weekend working with lizzb on a presentation we're giving about fandom. One of the big parts of our presentation will be answering the question "What is fandom?" In three words, we're telling our audience that fandom is participation, for good or bad. Even though I have not read, nor am I going to read, Breaking Dawn (although I will take a moment to say I TOLD YOU SO! because I am above many things but that is not one of them), I have been following the fallout religiously. I could make the excuse that it's in my best professional interest as a YA librarian to do so, but the truth is that from time to time I just like a really good trainwreck. The thing I found trainwreckiest is the fact that fan forums are shutting down during parts of the day and not allowing anything negative to be said about the books. Twilight fans, if the rest of the YA literature world acted like you did, there'd be no YA literature. When I think of what makes fandom, my first thought is fanfic. Of course it is, because I enjoy reading and writing fic, and talking with others about the fic writing process. For others, fandom is cosplay, or RPGs. What Liz and I really want to emphasize, and what the Twilight fandom seems to be forgetting, is that fandom can be any form of participation, and that includes talking about a mutual dislike of the books. If a book inspires a strong negative reaction from you, why shouldn't you be allowed to talk about it? Lord knows half of everyone who reviews for Kirkus has written reviews inspired by strong negative reactions to a book. Fact is, there is no one book that is universally liked by everyone. I've even met people who didn't like Holes. I know, blasphemy, right? But if fandom is participation, negative talk about a book is also fandom. Maybe not in the way we think, but it is. It's people interacting over a book's world. I think for something to be considered fandom it does need to be ongoing, so perhaps a one-shot book discussion group doesn't count, but repeated analysis of a book, critical or glowing, is an integral part of what fandoms are. I prefer to do my analysis of a book/movie/tv show through fic. Others write essays. Some post on message boards. In books we love, we have characters we hate. We can find a book readable and compelling but hate many of the things the characters do. That doesn't make us bad fandomers. Authors and their works don't need protection from us. But maybe we need protection from those who insist that fandom is only about loving a work. Tags: fandom
780: rally round tha family with pockets full of shells
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Neil Young said it's better to burn out than fade away, which is good, because burning out is EXACTLY what I've been up to these days. But, on to something of substance. Earlier this month (I told you I'm burning out) Nancy Werlin, who is always made of awesome, sent me this link: Since You Asked: I'm addicted to Harry Potter fanfiction! (Salon, requires site pass, yadda yadda.) It's probably been talked about ad nauseum in the weeks I've been away from my friendslist but hey, it's never too late to add my two cents. I read Cary Tennis's response, and I'll be damned: It was generally encouraging! Basically, his response is that writing fanfic is (are you listening, Anne Rice?) not dangerous and that there are many worse things than creativity based around the work of another. What Tennis doesn't address though, is something I put in my reply email to Nancy: Fanfic is more than just writing, it's community. I don't really expect Tennis to know this, because it's something you can't know without witnessing fandom up close. Fandom brings people together who might not ever meet otherwise. I mean, I don't know about the rest of you, but when people ask me why I write fanfic my first response is always, "Because it's fun." It's not "practice" for "real" writing, not for me, because I don't want to write fiction. It's not an attempt at gaining fame or infamy because we all know there are much better ways to do that. I like to write but I'm a perfectionist and if I can't write like M.T. Anderson then for me there's no point in writing original fiction. Despite travel costs to cons and the price of books and movie tickets, fandom's still cheaper than a coke habit. The Editor's Choice letters in response to Cary's column vary from "I'm okay, you're okay, fandom is okay as long as it's part of an otherwise balanced life" to focusing more on the idea that the LW calls herself "addicted" to fanfic. Personally, I think she used that term because it's dramatic and because she couldn't come up with a better word. The letter from the woman who got into fandom because she needed adult mental space while staying at home with two small children on page one of the ECs resonated a little with me because I came to fandom also needing mental space (but it was from living with an immobilizing back injury, not kids). I like to think that I've got enough of a handle on my fandom involvement to keep it for what it always has been to me, a beneficial and creative place to play and meet other people with the same creative interests. My other thoughts on this letter: MediaBistro's FishBowl LA heralds the letter as unending evidence of the weirdness of Salon's readership, because a female PhD in her thirties is interested in HP fanfic. One would think that people in the publishing industry would know a thing or two about fandom, but apparently not. Hey, MediaBistro, Jensen Ackles knows something you don't. In his words: What's funny is the network always talks about how we skew to a younger audience, but at the events we go to, the ones who show up at the set are usually women ages 30 to 50. It's actually pretty cool.Women aged 30 to 50? You mean, like, most of the people at Phoenix Rising? Like most of the membership of the most popular LJ HP fanfic communities? I don't know why, but I'm continually amazed at who the outside world thinks writes fanfic. With Harry Potter one could perhaps believe that it was teenagers. After all, they're the target audience of the HP books. But if that's the case, who do they think is writing CSI fic? Star Trek? Numb3rs? And let me tell you something: It can be damn hard to meet new friends if you're in that 30-50 age range. I don't know where I'd be socially or even professionally if it wasn't for my fandom involvement. Fandom has allowed me to meet people who are now not just my fellow fans, but my friends and colleagues. When I get together with my fandom friends we do talk fandom, but we talk about a lot of other things, too, things that MediaBistro would *gasp* probably consider more normal and even acceptable, like books and careers and our families. Still drowning in work. I knew 2007 would be like this. I'll try to be better about updating once I finish some fics...and book reviews, and the Massive Work Project of Doom, Vol. 1, and committee stuff, and reading, and some more book reviews, and... Tags: fandom, writing
780: the king is gone but he's not forgotten
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Well, first, writing fic is fun. It's no-stress writing (short of fest deadlines). It's my chance to experiment with different writing styles, exploring different characters, etc., without the stress of having to juggle all the balls of writing your standard novel. Besides the fun factor, though, is my personal feeling that no matter what happens in Deathly Hallows we will never have a truly closed canon. Think about it. There are about 135 characters that appear, for however long or short a period of time, in OotP. That's 135 backstories waiting to be told, 135 ways of living and speaking, 135 personal histories that got them to where they appeared in the books. There is No Way J.K. Rowling, despite her verbosity, can completely close the canon, telling us everything we ever wanted to know about everyone we've ever wanted to know about. I have doubts that I'll ever learn what I've truly wanted to know since PoA: the reason Peter Pettigrew betrayed the Potters to Voldemort, and leading up to that, why no one, particularly Sirius, saw anything in Peter beforehand that would lead them/him to think that Peter might not be all he says he is. I also want to resolve the ongoing (very friendly!!) argument I have with psychic_serpent over whether Percy is a spy for the Order or not (she says yes, I say no). I want to see more of Narcissa Malfoy because I think she's tough and sharp. I want to know exactly how one gets a job working as a curse-breaker for Gringotts. The list goes on. There's no way all of that can fit in the books. Then, there's my personal rule: I like to finish what I start, even if it takes me forever. I can say "Canon-compliant through the end of OotP; does not include information from HBP and DH" with the best of them. Just because X amount of canon exists doesn't mean you have to incorporate all of it into every single fic you put out. It works for TV show fandoms and there's no reason it shouldn't work for book fandoms. Despite the overwhelming RL work load (it's a 2007 thing; I ended up on way too many committees the same year I took on a major writing project, plus my regular reading and work), I do try to tickle my fics every once in a while. They WILL get done (I promise, ellen_fremedon!!), but alas, sometimes RL has to come first. Lately all I've wanted to do is sit around and watch Numb3rs. That is, when I'm not reading Numb3rs fic. I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR ANOTHER FANDOM. ACK.  Audioslave - Set It OffTags: fandom, harry potter, writing
126:  hopeful
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1. I am not signing up for this year's ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif) percy_ficathon because I am still writing the fic I was supposed to turn in for last year's percy_ficathon. I also did not tell the mods I needed someone to pinch-hit for me. This, my friends, is how NOT to be a good member of the fandom. That is, in fact, a really good way to make people hate you and if the ficathon mods ban me forever, I deserve it. I still feel horrendously guilty about it. That's the only ficathon fic I've ever signed up to finish and didn't, even though I thought I would. Someday I'll finish the fic I owe. loupnoir even did a really terrific beta for it. Lately I've just had a hard time facing fandom. I feel like I've come to a standstill. I don't feel like working on my fics, and I can't work on Morality... until after Phoenix Rising anyway. And anyway, I promised myself I would only sign up for two fic fests this year: Remix and Smutmas. I think fandom is fun. I think fandomers are a great group of people. But I'm feeling burned out. Some of this, I'm sure, has to do with my job. The job I took last year has about ten times the responsibility and demands of the job I had for three years before that, three years in which I produced some pretty good fic but couldn't get that far in my career. Now I have an amazingly cool job and am making a little progress, career-wise, but fandom has taken a far back seat. I don't want to leave. I've been here nearly 5 years and it's important to me. I LIKE writing fanfic. It's fun and for the most part relaxing. Most of what I know about writing and reading I've learned in fandom. Because of fandom, I'm a better book reviewer. Right now, however, it feels like One More Thing To Do. My burnout is leading me to fade away. 2. Speaking of Job, if you've been IMing me during the day for the past few weeks and I haven't responded, it's because Job has eaten my brain. I have a huge presentation to do on Thursday, and I had only about a month to get all the prep work done and the handouts printed. I haven't seen the surface of my desk since January. So most of what I've been reading for the past month have been the books on the summer reading program. I have, however, read Devilish by Maureen Johnson (fun read, delightful concept, fabulous characters, but took much too long to get to the point) and Beastly by Alex Flinn (urban retelling of Beauty and the Beast, with just the right use of melodramatic fairy tale language against the New York backdrop). Now that I'm done with Big Project #1, I have to work on Big Project #2 and then do a reading sprint to get everything read that I need to have read by June. 3. I continue to run according to my training program but I don't seem to continue to get any better at it. I continue to eat less and exercise more, but my scale does not move (although I do have more muscle definition and look a little better than I have). As Georgia Nicolson would say, it is Vair Vair Frustrating. If I had shower facilities at work or a gym closer than six miles from said work, I would start working out on my lunch break, too. 4. Henry chipped one of his front teeth. His adult teeth are in but his head is still kitten-size, so he looks like a little gray-and-white spotted vampire. He's going to the vet on Monday. 5. I saw Blades of Glory because Mr. Cedar wanted to and, well, it was better than The Phantom Menace. It was not as good as the Spider-Man and Pirates of the Caribbean trailers that came before it. 6. Team Brittany! (Also teams Natasha and Jael.) Team Anyone-But-Renee. 7. Are praetorianguard and I the only ones watching the Pussycat Dolls: Search for the Next Doll? Have the idiot judges complaining about Anastascia's "weight gain" noticed that she's about five inches taller than all the other girls? That aside, I want a pink feather boa. 8. If I wanted to get someone a custom-lettered t-shirt, what's a good website to purchase it from? 9. All my reading enthusiasm are belong to Little, Brown Books for Young Readers. SOMEONE has the latest Gossip Girl book AND a preview of the upcoming prequel, plus some other books that look pretty fantastic. But someone DOES NOT have an advance of Eclipse by Stephenie Meyer and there will be a separate post on that. 10. I have these in green and I now want them in brown and black. Because you know what they say: If the shoe fits, buy it in three colors. Tags: 2007, books, fandom, tv
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- The Niffler forum at FictionAlley is the place where people can go to find great fics they might not have heard about. And our current team of Nifflers has been working very hard for about four months longer than we told them they we would have to. So if you're the type who likes to search out fics, whether they be slash, gen, het, popular pairs, or rare pairs (as long as it's not NC-17), fill out a Niffler application here and mail it in.
And from pinkfinity: ( Y'all KNOW you want to write a radio fanplay, yes you do! )
- Good news: I finished the first draft of my Percy fic. More good news: loupnoir is a really great beta reader. Bad news: The fic is a complete wreck now and needs an overhaul, including cutting about half the text. More bad news: It's due tomorrow. And I worked a 12-hour day yesterday, and am working 12-hour days today and tomorrow, too. MEH and ARGH.
- Smutmas fic: Half done. I'll be damned. Of course, "damn" is something I might say a lot of once fasterthanlight gets through it.
- Phoenix Rising: Have submitted one paper, working on the two panels so starrysummer doesn't hit me, wibbling until I hear one way or the other if I've been picked to read my fanfics.
- Morality for Beautiful Slytherins: Chapter 5 almost ready for posting. Chapter 6 done. Chapter 7 in draft.
The other day, one of my co-workers said to me: You know, you seem remarkably calm considering all the things you have to do in the next two weeks, which is even more remarkable when one considers that said co-worker has no idea that I'm involved in fandom. I told her I drink a lot, which isn't true, but I will say that there's something to be said for drinking a lot of water and getting eight hours sleep a night. I think that's the only reason why I am not wibbling under my desk. That, and with all the books piled on it I'm convinced my desk is going to collapse any minute now and if I die my boss will kill me. Tags: fandom
126:  distressed
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Some of you are reading me for the first time, thanks to the Friending Frenzy, so I will spare you the Terrible With Raisins Work Rant for another time. But in general, inspired by starrysummer, a little introduction: Call me Cedar, unless you know me IRL. If you're fasterthanlight you can call me Petronella. Although I was born and raised in Chicagoland, I now live in New Jersey, not far from New York. I am a YA librarian complete with MLIS and all the debt that came with it, and I joined the HP fandom in the summer of 2002, when I hurt my back really badly and was out of work for seven months and was faced with either finding something to keep my brain occupied via the internet or watching daytime television. Read my fics here or here (second link contains adult material). Sometimes I talk fandom, sometimes YA lit, sometimes my job, sometimes my kittens, sometimes just things that make me giggle. I like shoes, makeup, books, perfume, classic rock, Indian food, October, and Law & Order. I dislike jazz, peppers of any color, camping, driving, and cooking. I am an ESTJ, an Aquarius, a Dragon, aggressive, loyal, Queen Multitasker of the Universe, pragmatic, and charming. This means I am fun, don't mince words, and will do anything for my friends, but I am also a pain in the ass, egocentric, and I don't believe in regret. I also give rotten advice. I've wanted to be a librarian since I was four, though my undergraduate degree is in music. I've had driver's licenses in four states and have been to Disneyland about 30 times, but I don't have a passport. I've seen every ep of Star Trek: The Next Generation at least twice. I get horrific headaches when storm fronts move in. Most of the time, I am more accurate than the Weather Channel and feel that I should get a discount on my cable service because of this. Cast of journal characters includes: Brian (my muse), Gabrielle (my Sidekick...the T-Mobile kind, not the hero kind), Mr. Cedar (the husband), Beezus and Ramona (kittens!), Lily (my iBook), Charlotte (pink mini iPod), and Jean-Luc (the car, a Honda Civic). And you? --- Tomorrow Later today, there will be a little Fandom Wednesday. What I really need to do is go back and reread HBP, because I still haven't had the time. But for those who are here, please read this post from themostepotente. I have a fascination with the Unforgivable Curses, so her post was some nice FFT for me. But I have not replied because I am still thinking. --- Reading: 13 Little Blue Envelopes by Maureen Johnson, which I am loving and I think will make an excellent read-alike for all my patrons who want books like Contents Under Pressure and Vegan Virgin Valentine. Also, the new Clique book came in and I think I will stay up late reading it, because I have a weird penchant for YA literary brain candy and the Clique books, I think, are better (writingwise) than Gossip Girl. --- Now: Off to write some fic. Tags: fandom
780: joker on jack, match on a fire, cold on ice, a dead man's touch
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Stupidity at work that happened while I was away has me beyond outraged, but I will not talk about it now because it makes me so mad I can't type. So I will talk about something else. (And before we go any further, yes, I'm the blonde in the icon, and I'm drabbling. I won't identify the redhead unless she says it's ok to be identified.) It's Beta Appreciation Day! I attended this panel at TWH called "Fanfic vs. Original Fic: The Deathmatch," and admittedly spent most of it wanting to throw things. The two, IMHO, are not to be compared. They're two entirely different forms of writing. (I'm going somewhere Beta Appreciative with this, I promise.) One panelist, the one speaking against fanfic, said that writing fanfic just sucks up the time that you could spend working on your original fiction. So of course I raised my hand and said, "Who says I ever have to write anything original? I don't want to write original fiction. I haven't got the time, talent, or patience to build an entirely new world. Fanfic is my hobby. It's my way of relaxing and joining a community of people with common interests." Generally, I got the impression (even though the panelist speaking against fanfic is personally pro-fanfic), that fanfic will never make you work as a writer the way creating an original work does. I say whoever thinks that never had praetorianguard, aesc, innerslytherin, mollymoon, or roseofrohan for beta readers. All of them serve different purposes to my fic writing. mollymoon and roseofrohan are my sounding boards for ideas. Kate kicks my ass when I'm writing a plot that I can't make her buy. Molly makes me think out of my shiny pink box. Steph has an eye for detail. Amy and Hilary push me to my limits. Neither of them ever misses a thing and they frustrate the hell out of me in a very good way. Without these beta readers, I wouldn't know what I was capable of with my fanfic writing. Yes, it's just a hobby, but I believe in taking the things I do seriously. If I'm going to have a hobby, I want to be good at it and improve, and I consider myself very lucky to work with people who not only take my writing seriously, but who have the skills to make me become better at what I do. Editing, also, to apologize profusely and name the wonderful chaos_rose, who makes sure all my kinks are right where they ought to be, and future thanks to ellen_fremedon, pauraque and ceilidh. Sparkly pink tiaras all around. Except for praetorianguard's. Hers can be blue sparkly. Am hungry. Off into the rain for food and post office. In honor of my music, this article. Tags: fandom, writing
126:  annoyed
780: you take it on faith, you take it to the heart, the waiting is the hardest part
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1. Christopher Paolini, regarding your review of HBP in Entertainment Weekly, I think the only time I have ever been less impressed with your writing was when I read Eragon. Which is too bad, because you are a very sweet, kind person. 2. I still have to do a reread of HBP, so most of what's in this post, though spoilery and cut-tagged because I'm a nice person, may be a little fuzzy. 3. I think I will do the "HP is a YA novel, dammit" post separately, because I have articles I need to dig up. But for now: ( All the news that's fit to Prince )Tags: fandom, harry potter
126:  busy
780: alone, listless, breakfast table in an otherwise empty room
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Am so confused. Today is Wednesday, not Tuesday. Wednesdays are for fandom. But first, I want to express my sadness over Jerry Orbach's death. The first time Mr. Cedar and I watched Disney's Beauty and the Beast together, I pointed to Lumiere and said, "That's Detective Briscoe!" He didn't believe me. Then he did. Fandom meme, from kennahijja: ( and it's all about a boy wizard in specs )Life. Must prioritize it. I don't feel like doing canon analysis, or speculating on book 6, or asking for donations of house-elf names for Morality for Beautiful Slytherins. I am capable, however, of cut-and-paste, so behind the cut tag is part of the Cruciatus Curse fic I'm working on, which used to have a title but doesn't anymore. It changes every time I open the file, and I still have no ending. ( But I do have a few paragraphs )Titles for this fic keep drifting in and out, but I think I might not know the title until the fic is done or near done. Sometimes titles are obvious ( Iscariot, Swords to Plowshares), sometimes they elude me and I end up giving titles that really don't fit the fics very well ( Like the Finest Gold, When the Werewolf Comes Out of the Shrieking Shack, It's All Over). This one used to be called The Moral Meridian, but as I think it's not working so well anymore, plus I am NOT going to change the title of Morality for Beautiful Slytherins not just because that's the best title I've ever stolen, but it really does fit the fic. Random notes,: zeisgeist, I got a box of 25 galleys today. Expect an email. mollymoon, hope the husband made it home okay. eilanhp, I know we may not talk as much as we used to, but I still care, fwiw. magis and ellen_fremedon, I'm planning to be in DC over Presidents' Day weekend. Shopping? Museums? Cool places in general? Have your people call my people. Tags: fandom, writing
126:  crappy
780: answer the phone I know that you're home I wanna get you alone
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Two fandom posts in a row. Sorry, tetratitania ;) Now that I have shown the entire fandom that I can't do math, I want to write about something that's been bothering me for about a week. I have this friend that I love. Loved Friend's ex-boyfriend read some of my fic. Loved Friend's ex complained to Loved Friend about my fics, saying that I shouldn't be writing Harry Potter slash and porn, and that I was "wasting my talent." I had two responses, one that I sort of muttered to myself and the other that I said to my friend. I thought: Good thing he didn't see my page at Skyehawke, where I have all the fics that FictionAlley won't accept. I said: Fuck him. Fuck him sideways with a pineapple, in fact. chthonya, who is a lovely wonderful fandomer, started this thread on dark fic at FAP and asks those who write dark fic how it relates to the way they perceive real-life evil, if at all. Many interesting responses ensue, but no one talks about anyone else's perception of dark fic other than their own. Which is completely understandable. (This is going somewhere, I promise.) In a past life, I wrote a lot of dark stories. I am a goth in a prep's body, and much of junior high was spent writing fairly morbid short stories. Some of it was expression of a little of what was going on in my life, but most of it was pure curiousity. I wasn't experienced enough to know that it's easiest to write what you know, so I wrote for shock value. And it got me noticed in a good way; people saw me as a talented writer. Maybe I had more talent than the average eighth-grader and maybe I didn't, but people seemed to think so and that was good enough for me. Except. More than once I got feedback on my stories--from fellow students, not the teacher--that said I was "wasting my talent" by writing dark stories that didn't involve princesses, adventure, or romance. I ignored them and even sort of got a kick out of them, because I felt the same way about writing then as I do now: I write to please myself, and if I like what I'm writing, and if I achieve anything through my writing, it is not a waste. I don't consider myself an evil person, and obviously I don't know anything about being in a male/male relationship. But so the fuck what? That's why it's called fiction. Fiction is so much more fun to write than nonfiction, because you get to be and do and say anything and know that at the end of the day you are not the people in your story and you can go home and eat popcorn and watch CSI reruns. To tell me that I am "wasting my talent" by writing slash fanfiction is as ridiculous as telling me that I am wasting my uterus by not having children. Just because I don't write what you like does not make my writing a waste. I'm not so oblivious not to know that I'm a much better writer now than I was when I started in fandom, so if writing slash helped me become a better writer, why is it a waste? Where do people get off saying that another writer "wastes" her talent on darkfic/slash/het/gen/romance/ferrets? Good writing is in the eye of the beholder, and as much as I dislike, for example, Richard Peck's works, I don't think he's wasting his talent. He is talented, and I won't deny that just because he writes books I don't like. Perhaps those that complain fear what they read. I don't know anyone who writes fluffy romance who gets told that she's "wasting her talent," but I cannot be the only one who's received multiple criticisms for my "wasteful" darkfic and slash. Maybe reading darkfic makes them think about a darker aspect of themselves, or brings up something they'd rather not think about. If it does bring up those thoughts they're afraid of, though, then hasn't the writer accomplished something? "Wasteful" or not, the writer has produced a reaction in the reader. Maybe the reader thinks that his reactions to the fic are wasteful. In any event, I'm not sorry for what I write. I don't like it when people tell me I'm "wasting my talent." I can sing, too, you know. Am I wasting my talent by not being an opera singer? Or maybe I'd be wasting my talent if I sang songs by Wagner, because I'm Jewish. Insane, all of it. The real waste would be to not pursue what makes me happy, which is what fanfic does. Obviously I've "wasted" people's time by writing darkfic and slash, but that's their problem, not mine. Tags: fandom, writing
126:  moody
780: now this looks like a job for me so everybody just follow me 'cause we need a little controversy
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My boss just made me look like an idiot in front of the high school librarian, who I can't stand. So glad I'm going away this weekend. It's especially appropriate that "Werewolves of London" will not leave my head, because I wanted to talk about Remus Lupin. And am I the last person to hear Adam Sandler's cover of "Werewolves of London" from the new Warren Zevon tribute album? He actually sounds really good. Who knew? All opinions regarding Remus Lupin are mine only and suchlike. In my Multicultural Ed. class in college we had to read Train Go Sorry: Inside a Deaf World by Leah Hager Cohen. It was an absolutely fascinating look at life in a school for the deaf and deaf culture. One of the things I remember most about the book, however, was not the descriptions of the lives of deaf people, but that more than one of them said that were they offered the chance to hear, they wouldn't take it. When I read that, I was surprised but not shocked. While I couldn't imagine someone not wanting to be able to hear, especially being a musician, I could understand not wanting to leave what they've known all their life and the culture they're a part of because of it. I filed this thought away for a few years until one night when I was RPing a story idea with metaphoracle. Somehow we (she as Snape, me as Remus) got on the topic of a cure for lycanthropy and I said, as Remus, that even if a cure was found I wouldn't take it. That sort of surprised both me-as-Remus and me-as-Cedar in the same way I was surprised reading that passage in Train Go Sorry. But again, it's the same concept: Remus said in PoA that he was "a very small boy when [he] received the bite," so being a werewolf may be the only thing he's ever known. At his age it's the only thing he's known for the better part of his life. Lycanthropy will probably shorten his life (I know nothing about it, so it's all educated guesswork for me) and may even be the cause of his death, but having his lycanthropy cured would leave Remus without a part of himself that has shaped his life and brought him both exile and the closest friends he ever had. Without his lycanthropy, Remus wouldn't be the same. He knows it, I know it, and J.K. Rowling knows it. Remus's lycanthropy is a source of doubt as well as confidence. Being a werewolf is what gives Remus his alpha nature, the security he has in his words and actions. He knows that whatever he has to face regarding Snape or Sirius, what he faces in his own life is worse. He's had to take control of...an illness? a disability?...that he knows will probably kill him after making it nearly impossible to live anything resembling a normal life, with a job and some kind of long-term romantic relationship. He's accepted the lycanthropy and integrated it, but he knows he is inherently different from everyone else, too. With all the differences and "abnormalities," though, I don't think Remus could give up being a werewolf any more than one of us could give up an arm or leg. It is a constant struggle, yes, but who Remus is grew out of his want to know something of normalcy. He has astonishing self-control and a need to be accepted. Both of these come about because he's a werewolf. He had a terrible secret to hide and compensated by being as "normal" as he could possibly be. In some instances, he even went passively out of his way to be liked, to keep his friends. (Refer to OotP, "Snape's Worst Memory.") Like all teens, he feared losing his friends, but he had a lot more to lose than the average student. He shares that bond not just of friendship but of secrecy with Sirius, Peter, and James, and he can never be sure what would happen if he upset one of them, especially Sirius. Strangely enough, and maybe this is why I've felt the need to post on Remus, I've been going through a little of this myself. A recent round of antibiotics from my doctor has cleared a lot of my weather-induced headaches (though it's supposed to rain on Saturday and I'm feeling the pressure in my head today) and I feel like I've lost a part of myself. Now where's the Excedrin? Tags: fandom, harry potter
126:  contemplative
780: I saw a werewolf drinking a pina colada at Trader Vic's
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Books: I read Dead Girls Don't Write Letters by Gail Giles this weekend and what is up with that ending? This one is nowhere near as good as Shattering Glass, which is on my list of books that I could never bring myself to reread because it was so good that I'm scared to read it a second time for fear it won't be as I remember it. Sunny, the main character of Dead Girls..., is really great. She's multidimensional and imperfect but not to the point of being an anti-Mary Sue (i.e. a character flawed beyond reason just because the author wants to not make her a MS). It's a book I'd recommend for those who like a mystery, but not something I'd fight for during a book awards discussion. Finished Miss Wyoming, and although I found the ending disappointing, I was intrigued by the characters and Douglas Coupland's imagery. I think Hey, Nostradamus! is next, because the library owns it and I'm on serious book-buying restrictions. As in, I can't. That's after I (finally) read The No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency. I'm always about a million years behind the adult bestsellers. Currently reading: Midnight for Charlie Bone by Jenny Nimmo. On page fifteen. Like it so far. It's very classic British coming-of-age fantasy. I'm out of room on my teen fiction shelves at work and have to do major shifting this week. Blech. Fandom: Sort of essay planned for Wednesday: Why Remus Lupin would not want to cure his lycanthropy, even if someone in the wizarding world figured out how to do it. I have porn due in a week for the October pornish_pixies Fantasy Fest and for the life of me, I cannot make Remus and Sirius have sex. They're eating and talking and holding hands and hugging and Sirius is being very wibbly and vulnerable which is sort of how I like him around Remus, but they will not take their clothes off. This would not be a problem if I wasn't writing the fic for a community that focuses on NC-17 fic. *facedesk* RL: Is seriously getting in the way of fandom. On the bright side, I found my lox and bagel pajamas. Tags: 2004, books, fandom
126:  envious
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1) Happy birthday to silvana! 2) For some strange reason I remain untouched by the computer problems of the world. I neither stopped receiving messages nor received multiple copies of messages from YALSA-BK, nor have I had any problems reading or posting to LiveJournal. I am not complaining. 3) I hate traffic so much. If the delay is supposed to be on Route 3 eastbound, the one going to the Lincoln Tunnel, how come the traffic going west doesn't move? 4) Happy Teen Read Week to all! 5) Books to review: 3. Number of these reviews that are overdue: 2. 6) Today is not Thursday, as I've been telling myself all day. It's Wednesday. Wednesday means fandom stuff. Yay! ( Hermione Granger is a bossy busybody know-it-all and I hate her: a little essay by Cedar )Tags: fandom, harry potter
780: wiping the dirt from his hands as he walks from the grave
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Why I have not updated this week: Sinus and upper respiratory infection. It's making its way through my head and into my chest and I sound like Camille but thanks to some antibiotics and prescription decongestants, this is the first day in weeks I haven't felt like my head is full of cement. Which is good because I have to move tonight and tomorrow and Saturday, and write porn. However, I will take a break from chicken soup, Kleenex, popsicles, and tea to thank aesc, who has kicked my fanficcing tush for over two years, and metaphoracle, who never hesitates to ask me all the questions I don't want to answer. Even though sometimes I get all Anne Rice on the two of you, I appreciate everything you do for me. A lot. Thanks also to mollymoon and gryph1, for being my idea trampolines, and future thanks to ellen_fremedon, because I WILL get that fic written, dammit, when I'm not sick and in the middle of moving. Teen lit people and librarians, or those interested in politics, teens...argh, just read this. I'm reading Pledged by Alexandra Robbins and it's so incredibly boring that I'm not sure how I'm going to make it another 100 pages into the book. On the other hand, I finally finished Bling by Erica Kennedy and it was a helluva lot of fun. Back to catching up on RL work. Ech. Tags: fandom
126: cranky
780: What the hell is ADD? My friends say I should act my age
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I'm writing from my Shiny New Work Computer that doesn't give me the Blue Screen of Death on a daily basis, so am happy. I have Delirium wallpaper, but still need a screensaver. Finished: Bucking the Sarge by Christopher Paul Curtis. 15-year-old scientist and philosopher Luther T. Farrell is raised by one of the richest, most corrupt women in Flint, MI. Read it. It's full of Curtis's trademark sarcasm and humor, but has a much darker tone than his previous books. It's on my shortlist for the Printz Award. Definitely for older YAs, 8th grade and up. Mock Printz nominations are the topic of discussion on YALSA-BK today, so I replied with Under the Wolf, Under the Dog by Adam Rapp (and YA BNF Richie Partington agrees with me on that), The Realm of Possibility by David Levithan, and Double Helix by Nancy Werlin. I hear that Meg Rosoff's How I Live Now might be a contender, but I haven't read it yet. Next adult book on my reading list: Bling by Erica Kennedy. 'Cause it just looks like fun. Followed by The No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency. sartorias, someone recced one of your books today on YALSA-BK. Fandom Wednesdays. Recently, the wonderful pauraque had a "Guess who you are on my friendslist" meme, and I guessed correctly that I was the Peter writer from a ways back who didn't post much about the Harry Potter fandom anymore. When he said that, I stopped to think why. When I first joined the fandom, as many of you know, I was out of work and unable to work because of severe back problems. I was raised by a fandomer so I've known about fic, slash, shipping, etc. for the better part of my life, so even though I was sort of resistant to joining fandom because Ma Cedar is a fandomer, I did join. I wrote to pass time and looked forward to reading fics, meeting new efriends, etc. During that time, I started this journal, and I was primarily known as Cedar the Harry Potter Fandomer. In March, 2003, I was more or less recovered enough to go back to work, and I got the job I have now. My work means a lot to me. I'm proud to say that I love what I do and am good at it, and I want to share my career experiences in my blog. Being a teen librarian is more time-consuming than most people think, and while I certainly don't mind the extra time committments (reading alone is at least 5 hours a week), it does seep into your brain. I like discussing books and am lucky to have a friendslist full of interesting people who like to read, and who I have a lot in common with besides a mutual love of Harry Potter. As I posted more and more about YA lit, I found that YA lit types, authors and librarians, friended my blog. (Oh, and y'all should know that I am absolutely horrible about checking my friend-of/friended/defriended list and maybe check it once every two or three months if I remember, so if I haven't friended you back, that may be the reason.) And I am a person who likes to impress other people. I felt like I was becoming more known as Cedar the YA Librarian rather than Cedar the Harry Potter Fandomer. I like both titles and want to keep them. I should also get over my wibblies and figure out that YA lit people have a scroll bar on their browsers and can just go past the fandom stuff. Although I'm not a person who gets embarrassed, I find that I sometimes feel uncomfortable posting about fandom stuff since I know this blog is read by YA lit types, which is just dumb of me to think. All a person has to do is click the "TDA" link on my journal page, or read through my entries, and they'll know well and good about my HP fandom involvement. I don't know why until now I've been so neurotic...and will probably continue to be neurotic because I'm just that way...about YA lit professionals reading my fanfic. My name is Cedar, I'm a teen librarian, and I write Harry Potter fanfic. And I enjoy writing it. I write slash, gen, femmeslash, and would like to write het even though I haven't yet done so. So while replying in a much shorter comment to pauraque about why I don't post as much fandom stuff anymore, I had a thought: As I make time to write and read, I should make time to post about fandom, not because I feel I have to (those who know me well know that I mostly feel that I don't have to do anything *g*), but because I enjoy fandom. Call me a nerd. I don't care. Every Wednesday, and more often if I get the chance, I will make a fandom post. It might be an essay, or a rec, or a bit of fic, or a rant about the bit of fic. It might be about the fandom as a whole, or it might be entirely self-absorbed Anne-Rice-worthy wankery. But I'm going to have fun writing it. ( First Fandom Wednesday post, in which I realize I'm years behind on my reading. Also, houses. )Ugh. Have to go lug new computers upstairs to the children's department. Next Wednesday, or before: Why I write the fics I do. Tags: 2004, books, fandom
126: busy
780: well I'm gonna raise a fuss yeah I'm gonna raise a holler
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amused
watching and waiting
anxious