Dear Spill.com,

Been there. Done that.

If you really want to impress the Harry Potter slash writers, try enlisting the Giant Squid. But maybe not even then.

Your efforts are greatly appreciated. They're just a little late if you plan to faze anyone in this fandom. We've seen it all. Some of us have written it all.

Love,

Cedar

Tags: the letters no one reads
780: what you need my son is a holiday in Cambodia

Dear FanLib, Simon & Schuster, Continental Airlines, judges on Shear Genius, and just about everyone involved with season 8 of America's Next Top Model,

What the hell were you thinking? Clearly, all of you get paid to sit around and drink Diet Coke all day.

No love. Fix this crap.

Cedar

---
Links might come later, but right now I'm on my sidekick at the airport in New Orleans. Phoenix Rising was muchly fun and educationally delightful, but I have no pictures yet. Forgot to bring the camera. Except...

If you're the Snape I mistook for a vampire and tried to (not really, as there was no wood-to-person contact) stake at the Masquerade Ball, I apologize.

reversathon fic: 4800 words, three different endings (not counted), no middle.

Haven't slept in nearly 24 hours. Longer letter later.

Tags: the letters no one reads
917: MSY
126: exhausted

Dear person who not only stole my birthday present from mollymoon, but also $70 worth of limited-edition perfume I ordered and now cannot reorder, off my doorstep,

Fuck you sideways with a pineapple. I know you're somehow associated with the people who moved in across the hall in February, because I lived here for a year and a half and never lost so much as a J. Crew catalog until you moved in. Since you moved in, or your friends/relatives moved in, I've lost two clearly marked Priority Mail boxes with my name on them. I don't steal YOUR mail, fucktard. And I can't say anything to you about it because Dog knows what you'll do during the day while I'm at work and I have kittens to protect.

But I AM calling the apartment rental office and the local post office.

No love,

Cedar

Tags: the letters no one reads
126: pissed off