Neil Young said it's better to burn out than fade away, which is good, because burning out is EXACTLY what I've been up to these days. But, on to something of substance.

Earlier this month (I told you I'm burning out) Nancy Werlin, who is always made of awesome, sent me this link: Since You Asked: I'm addicted to Harry Potter fanfiction! (Salon, requires site pass, yadda yadda.) It's probably been talked about ad nauseum in the weeks I've been away from my friendslist but hey, it's never too late to add my two cents.

I read Cary Tennis's response, and I'll be damned: It was generally encouraging! Basically, his response is that writing fanfic is (are you listening, Anne Rice?) not dangerous and that there are many worse things than creativity based around the work of another. What Tennis doesn't address though, is something I put in my reply email to Nancy: Fanfic is more than just writing, it's community. I don't really expect Tennis to know this, because it's something you can't know without witnessing fandom up close. Fandom brings people together who might not ever meet otherwise. I mean, I don't know about the rest of you, but when people ask me why I write fanfic my first response is always, "Because it's fun." It's not "practice" for "real" writing, not for me, because I don't want to write fiction. It's not an attempt at gaining fame or infamy because we all know there are much better ways to do that. I like to write but I'm a perfectionist and if I can't write like M.T. Anderson then for me there's no point in writing original fiction. Despite travel costs to cons and the price of books and movie tickets, fandom's still cheaper than a coke habit.

The Editor's Choice letters in response to Cary's column vary from "I'm okay, you're okay, fandom is okay as long as it's part of an otherwise balanced life" to focusing more on the idea that the LW calls herself "addicted" to fanfic. Personally, I think she used that term because it's dramatic and because she couldn't come up with a better word. The letter from the woman who got into fandom because she needed adult mental space while staying at home with two small children on page one of the ECs resonated a little with me because I came to fandom also needing mental space (but it was from living with an immobilizing back injury, not kids). I like to think that I've got enough of a handle on my fandom involvement to keep it for what it always has been to me, a beneficial and creative place to play and meet other people with the same creative interests.

My other thoughts on this letter:

MediaBistro's FishBowl LA heralds the letter as unending evidence of the weirdness of Salon's readership, because a female PhD in her thirties is interested in HP fanfic. One would think that people in the publishing industry would know a thing or two about fandom, but apparently not. Hey, MediaBistro, Jensen Ackles knows something you don't. In his words: What's funny is the network always talks about how we skew to a younger audience, but at the events we go to, the ones who show up at the set are usually women ages 30 to 50. It's actually pretty cool.

Women aged 30 to 50? You mean, like, most of the people at Phoenix Rising? Like most of the membership of the most popular LJ HP fanfic communities? I don't know why, but I'm continually amazed at who the outside world thinks writes fanfic. With Harry Potter one could perhaps believe that it was teenagers. After all, they're the target audience of the HP books. But if that's the case, who do they think is writing CSI fic? Star Trek? Numb3rs? And let me tell you something: It can be damn hard to meet new friends if you're in that 30-50 age range. I don't know where I'd be socially or even professionally if it wasn't for my fandom involvement. Fandom has allowed me to meet people who are now not just my fellow fans, but my friends and colleagues. When I get together with my fandom friends we do talk fandom, but we talk about a lot of other things, too, things that MediaBistro would *gasp* probably consider more normal and even acceptable, like books and careers and our families.

Still drowning in work. I knew 2007 would be like this. I'll try to be better about updating once I finish some fics...and book reviews, and the Massive Work Project of Doom, Vol. 1, and committee stuff, and reading, and some more book reviews, and...

Tags: fandom, writing
780: the king is gone but he's not forgotten

Maureen Johnson on what it REALLY takes to be a writer.

I love her blog.

Contrary to what the subject of this post says I do believe that kinesthetic learners can be writers. I'm one myself, but I think I lack a lot of the other traits it takes to produce a novel, like discipline and creativity. But there's a lot to be said for the ability to sit. Most people I know find that their ability to sit increases as they get older but I'm finding the opposite is true for myself. As I get older, I find that I cannot think well while sitting down. I pace my office while thinking of book discussion questions or what my next reader's advisory list should be. I never email or call my colleagues if I can walk to where they are and talk to them in person. When writing, I have to get up and move around at regular intervals. I do some of my best ficcing while outside running/walking, which of course is useless for doing any actual writing. This applies to shopping, too: I don't like to buy things I can't touch, save for books and DVDs.

In theory I guess I can sit to watch TV, but even when I'm sitting I like to stretch, or fidget, or change positions on the couch, or sort through my makeup, or write. My brain is kinesthetic, too, perhaps. Maybe that's why Mr. Cedar tells me I always hog the bed (which is not true; it's just that he doesn't want to sleep in the portion of the bed I allot to him).

So...those of you that can't think sitting down but have a job or a hobby that requires you to sit for long periods of time, what are your secrets for getting work done?

Tags: writing
126: restless

For fandomers:

Define hurt/comfort, and the elements that must be seen, or that usually appear, in a hurt/comfort fic.

And to satisfy my curiosity, list the fandoms in which you participate (reading, writing, art, discussing, etc.). If hurt/comfort means something different in each of your fandoms, say so.

I ask because I've been playing in a new fandom as of late, and during a discussion with my beta, she said something that made me realize that I'm not sure what makes for a hurt/comfort fic. Humor me?

Am world's worst LJ friend of late. I apologize. Pumpkin spice lattes for everyone except countouttheday, who gets a shaken iced tea.

Tags: fic, writing
126: full
780: you've got to change your evil ways, baby

Well, first, writing fic is fun. It's no-stress writing (short of fest deadlines). It's my chance to experiment with different writing styles, exploring different characters, etc., without the stress of having to juggle all the balls of writing your standard novel.

Besides the fun factor, though, is my personal feeling that no matter what happens in Deathly Hallows we will never have a truly closed canon.

Think about it. There are about 135 characters that appear, for however long or short a period of time, in OotP. That's 135 backstories waiting to be told, 135 ways of living and speaking, 135 personal histories that got them to where they appeared in the books. There is No Way J.K. Rowling, despite her verbosity, can completely close the canon, telling us everything we ever wanted to know about everyone we've ever wanted to know about. I have doubts that I'll ever learn what I've truly wanted to know since PoA: the reason Peter Pettigrew betrayed the Potters to Voldemort, and leading up to that, why no one, particularly Sirius, saw anything in Peter beforehand that would lead them/him to think that Peter might not be all he says he is. I also want to resolve the ongoing (very friendly!!) argument I have with psychic_serpent over whether Percy is a spy for the Order or not (she says yes, I say no). I want to see more of Narcissa Malfoy because I think she's tough and sharp. I want to know exactly how one gets a job working as a curse-breaker for Gringotts. The list goes on. There's no way all of that can fit in the books.

Then, there's my personal rule: I like to finish what I start, even if it takes me forever. I can say "Canon-compliant through the end of OotP; does not include information from HBP and DH" with the best of them. Just because X amount of canon exists doesn't mean you have to incorporate all of it into every single fic you put out. It works for TV show fandoms and there's no reason it shouldn't work for book fandoms. Despite the overwhelming RL work load (it's a 2007 thing; I ended up on way too many committees the same year I took on a major writing project, plus my regular reading and work), I do try to tickle my fics every once in a while. They WILL get done (I promise, ellen_fremedon!!), but alas, sometimes RL has to come first.

Lately all I've wanted to do is sit around and watch Numb3rs. That is, when I'm not reading Numb3rs fic. I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR ANOTHER FANDOM. ACK.


Audioslave - Set It Off

Tags: fandom, harry potter, writing
126: hopeful

Once upon a time, I sent an email to zeisgeist in which I lamented my nonstop reading of YA novels. You see, it's something I'm supposed to do as part of my job, but when it comes to attempting to think creatively, it kills my muse.

I could write a YA novel, I wrote to Lara, and I could have it be a retelling of my favorite fairy tale, East of the Sun and West of the Moon.

Oh. Like East by Edith Pattou.

Well, that's all right, I continued. I could write a book about a percussionist in a family crisis. Or the time it takes to rebuild a damaged reputation. I could write about kids at a summer arts camp, or I could write a book about anything I wanted, as long as the whole thing was in sestinas. Or maybe the future effects of consumerism. Frankenstein meets My Fair Lady. Or maybe something pink and fluffy, but with a message of substance.

Except I can't write any of those books, I realized, because they've all been written already. Drums, Girls, and Dangerous Pie. Story of a Girl. Dramarama. Keesha's House. Feed. Shattering Glass. Most everything by Meg Cabot. If I didn't read so much, maybe I'd have more confidence in the thought that I could write a YA novel. But on the other end of that sword, it's really, REALLY easy to tell when a YA author hasn't read a lot of YA. The voice is usually wrong somehow, whether it sounds too old and clearly adult, or too young.

But in today's USA Today Books section, this appears, and it makes me think that maybe I'm going about this project all wrong. If publishers are selling adult novels on familiarity (which, yes, has been done in YA for years but didn't really make me feel much better), then maybe I could build a novel around that idea of familiarity, tell something that's already been told. Then the challenge is to make it sellable to those that have already seen the original, and not necessarily make it better, but make it different. (But not too different, because then you lose the whole familiarity argument and then it becomes a round of "There's a Hole in my Bucket, Dear Liza, Dear Liza.") Working with this familiarity is the entire foundation of reader's advisory, anyway. "I liked The Chocolate War. What else do you have like it?" Now, reader's advisory has crossed into movies, and not just movies made from books. YA librarians know this well; when we're faced with that kid whose mom has dragged him to the library because he just has to read something on The List (Accelerated Reader, summer reading list, pick your poison) for school the question of "What do you like to read?" doesn't work so well. I've taken to asking those reluctant readers, "What TV shows or movies do you like? What do you like to do in your spare time? Have your friends mentioned any books lately that they thought were good?" So I guess I could say that it's the publishers who are late to this party, not me, but that doesn't make me feel any better.

I think this is why I write fanfiction instead of original works. At least then, I KNOW I don't have to try being original only to find I'm writing a story that someone else has already told, and better.

Enough procrastinating. I have sixteen book discussion guides to write in the next ten work days.

Tags: angsting, books, writing
126: working
780: if I'd only thought of something charming to say

Entry from last week that I'm just finishing now because OMG have 20 books to read in the next 2 weeks:

Now that authors and artists have been revealed at merry_smutmas, I can say that I didn't fool kennahijja for a second. I wrote A Wolf by Half for pocketfullof. Link is not safe for work, children, hardcore poets, those who don't like fanfic, or lycanthrophobes. (Lycanphobes? Lycanthrophobics? People who fear werewolves.)

In the end, this fic turned out really well, I think, but it was HARD to write. Many thanks and love go to starrysummer for beta reading, and to fasterthanlight for use of "fucking-damn." Also, SO MUCH thank you to hogwarts_today for listing it as an Editor's Pick.

( About the process of writing this fic. Feel free to skip. )

Oy, I am TIRED. And I have to WRITE and CLEAN, meh.



Billie Holiday - I've Got My Love to Keep Me Warm

Tags: fic, writing
126: cold

...I learned from books I read in 2006.

Stephen King and Neil Gaiman say all the time that the way to become a good writer is to be a good reader, and although I may not have aspirations of publishing, I do have aspirations of being very good at this fanfic hobby of mine. So here is what I've learned from my past year of reading, and where I learned it.

How to write:

an incredibly scary story with no blood or otherworldly monsters: The Rules of Survival by Nancy Werlin

an omniscient protagonist, and peripheral characters: The Book Thief by Markus Zusak

free verse: Burned by Ellen Hopkins

action scenes: the Pendragon: Journal of an Adventure Through Time and Space series by D.J. MacHale

language without which there would be no main character: The Astonishing Life of Octavian Nothing, Traitor to the Nation, Vol. I: The Pox Party by M.T. Anderson

humor that doesn't sound like it came out of a generic teenage sitcom: Born to Rock by Gordon Korman

descriptions, corruption, and a main character that always enthralls even if you don't like him: Ptolemy's Gate by Jonathan Stroud

minimalist: The Queen of Cool by Cecil Castellucci

life during and after traumatic events: It's Kind of a Funny Story by Ned Vizzini

travel, or a life that is influenced by place as much as people: Kiki Strike: Inside the Shadow City by Kristen Miller

a short story no one can forget: White Time by Margo Lanagan

comfort, wit, everyday humor, and charm: Toys Go Out by Emily Jenkins


(Notice that I did not include a list of how to write Mary Sues, overwrought descriptions, oceans of unreadable angst, teen books that reflect the author's minimal knowledge of what a good teen book looks like, stories without focus, characters no one cares about, 300-page books that feel like 700-page books, or stories of great concept that fall flat on their face in execution. I read plenty of those, believe me, but it's a sunny, Lush-scented day in the land of Cedar, so I think I'll save those for a blistering day with PMS and no chocolate.)

Tags: books, books i'd pay retail for, writing
126: full

1. Please vote for me in the 2006 Featured Story of the Year poll for The Quidditch Pitch. Nominated fics are LtFG in "Bad Moon Rising," Random Acts of Kindness... in "Remains of the Day," An Ancient Magic and The Palmer Method in "Dark Tales" (I think An Ancient Magic is my favorite story I've written this year), and Time and Tithe in "The Broomshed: The Dark Side." If you vote for me, you will get...my eternal gratitude. (I have an overdue book review and three fics to finish; alas, no time for writing drabbles.)

2. My merry_smutmas fic just threw up all over me. But I can fix it. I have to fix it or gmth will throttle me.

3. If you're a Morality for Beautiful Slytherins reader, first, THANK YOU, second, chapter 5 is a bit more delayed than I thought because I have this horrible thing in my brain that makes me forget that just because I can see everything and know everything, that doesn't mean the reader can. (Translation: I need editing.) It's like that old watch joke: "Does your watch tell time?" "No, I have to look at it."

Also, I am achy and have a sore throat and am weak but not tired. Stupid body. Can't this wait until Christmas?

Stone Temple Pilots - Sour Girl

Tags: fic, writing
126: cold

Probing YA Writer's Absence from Borders Shelves and Is Borders Blocking a Book With Sexual Content?

Technically, yes, Borders is blocking a book with sexual content, but that's not the point. Borders is not buying this poor quality book with sexual content. Pop has a lot going against it. The cover is lame, although a part of me is grateful not to see random body parts on it. The author couldn't seem to decide when the book took place. I *think* it was set in 2006, but there were so many '80's references that it may very well have been set in 1986. (Who makes a mix tape in 2006?) I didn't care whether the main character accomplished her goal of having sex or not, although I did like how her relationship with her eventual partner turned out. It was nice to see an emotional guy. That, however, couldn't save this book. I'd go into more detail, but I gave my galley away a while ago and don't have references.

More information and a quote from the author can be found in this article in The Book Standard:

Wallington explained, "I wanted to write a book that would serve a new generation of girls the way Judy Blume's Forever served me—answering questions that I was too embarrassed to ask anyone, and showing the emotional issues of sex and virginity through a character I could identify with."

Authors, I am begging you: Please, please don't give your book a job to do before it's even published. Don't set out to change the face of YA literature. You won't. The books that have did not set out to change YA literature, they set out to be great stories. Judy Blume wrote Forever on the request of her daughter, who wanted a book where "two nice teens have sex and no one dies." Don't set out to be the next Harry Potter, or Gossip Girl. Write your book, write it as best you can, and let readers decide what will become of it. There's no way to tell what will become a classic, what will change YA literature history.

Aury Wallington, for all her efforts and good intentions, did not achieve her stated goal because book was nowhere NEAR the quality of another book that did accomplish this "serving a new generation of girls:" A Bad Boy Can Be Good For a Girl by tanyaleestone. And A Bad Boy... even incorporates Forever, making it even cooler. I appreciate efforts made by teen authors to be honest about sex. Teens need honest, straightforward information about sex, and they need books that reflect their own struggles with sexuality, whatever those struggles may be. But Pop! is not deserving of a place on the shelf next to A Bad Boy.... Borders sells PLENTY of teen books with sexual content. Try Blankets, Sandpiper, The Order of the Poison Oak, Looking for Alaska, and the Gossip Girl series, to start. Sex is not the only thing that keeps books off shelves. It is, however, an easy way to get people riled up about OMGCENSORSHIP. It's not censorship if the book isn't any good.

I could go on more, and I might some day, but right now I have to finish two book reviews, two fics, papers for a meeting tomorrow, a seminar on Thursday night, and...lives, I used to have one.

Tags: writing, ya
126: rushed
780: I think I'll go to Boston, I think that I'm just tired

We all like words. What are your favorites, from the utilitarian to the extravagant? Please note that any words you list here may be appropriated by me for a project. </cryptic> Nouns, verbs, and adjectives are all welcome.

Quickly, life:

Mail two days ago included a very large envelope of galleys from Random House (thank you!), including robbiewriter's Better Than Yesterday and Lemonade Mouth by Mark Peter Hughes, but alas not including Anatomy of a Boyfriend by Daria Snadowsky. Maybe there will be copies of that at Midwinter.

If anyone out there is from Viking Children's Books, I would so love a copy of halseanderson's upcoming book. Please thank you.

All clothes this season are ugly and unflattering. I refuse to buy clothes until next fall, when skinny jeans and batwing sweaters are long out of style. Someday I'm going to find the person that invented trousers tapered at the ankle and give them a stern talking-to.

Who wants to discuss the finale of Flavor of Love 2 with me? Anyone?

Tags: books, writing
126: working
780: we were barely seventeen and we were barely dressed

For those that write smut of any kind, and especially for those with an interest in chan, you might like to read this blog entry from Susie Bright, who is a well-known editor and writer of erotica and author of the very fun writing manual How to Write a Dirty Story. She talks about legislation of sex and pornography, the age of consent, and free speech. A worthwhile read whether you write fanfic or original fic. Or if you're like me and just have a geeky interest in the First Amendment.

Tags: writing
126: helpful

Stupidity at work that happened while I was away has me beyond outraged, but I will not talk about it now because it makes me so mad I can't type. So I will talk about something else.

(And before we go any further, yes, I'm the blonde in the icon, and I'm drabbling. I won't identify the redhead unless she says it's ok to be identified.)

It's Beta Appreciation Day!

I attended this panel at TWH called "Fanfic vs. Original Fic: The Deathmatch," and admittedly spent most of it wanting to throw things. The two, IMHO, are not to be compared. They're two entirely different forms of writing. (I'm going somewhere Beta Appreciative with this, I promise.) One panelist, the one speaking against fanfic, said that writing fanfic just sucks up the time that you could spend working on your original fiction. So of course I raised my hand and said, "Who says I ever have to write anything original? I don't want to write original fiction. I haven't got the time, talent, or patience to build an entirely new world. Fanfic is my hobby. It's my way of relaxing and joining a community of people with common interests." Generally, I got the impression (even though the panelist speaking against fanfic is personally pro-fanfic), that fanfic will never make you work as a writer the way creating an original work does.

I say whoever thinks that never had praetorianguard, aesc, innerslytherin, mollymoon, or roseofrohan for beta readers.

All of them serve different purposes to my fic writing. mollymoon and roseofrohan are my sounding boards for ideas. Kate kicks my ass when I'm writing a plot that I can't make her buy. Molly makes me think out of my shiny pink box. Steph has an eye for detail. Amy and Hilary push me to my limits. Neither of them ever misses a thing and they frustrate the hell out of me in a very good way. Without these beta readers, I wouldn't know what I was capable of with my fanfic writing. Yes, it's just a hobby, but I believe in taking the things I do seriously. If I'm going to have a hobby, I want to be good at it and improve, and I consider myself very lucky to work with people who not only take my writing seriously, but who have the skills to make me become better at what I do.

Editing, also, to apologize profusely and name the wonderful chaos_rose, who makes sure all my kinks are right where they ought to be, and future thanks to ellen_fremedon, pauraque and ceilidh.

Sparkly pink tiaras all around. Except for praetorianguard's. Hers can be blue sparkly.

Am hungry. Off into the rain for food and post office. In honor of my music, this article.

Tags: fandom, writing
126: annoyed
780: you take it on faith, you take it to the heart, the waiting is the hardest part

1. Happy birthday to one of the most fabulous people I know, fasterthanlight. Go check your email, Stellaluna.

2. As long as we've got the confetti out, everyone throw some at Mr. Cedar, who got a shiny new job and a near doubling of his salary that will now enable us to do wild things like make my car payments and pay off our credit card debt.

3. Rain. Pain bad, tree pretty. But sinus meds, Advil, and tea have taken most of the edge off. Fuck you, Advil and Sudafed. You don't do a damn thing. Problem: am nauseous and dizzy.

4. Meme, most recently from pinkfinity:

We all have things about our friends that make us slightly envious. Not in a bad way, but in a "Wow! I wish I had that person's hair, eyes, money, relationship, toe nails, whatever."

So tell me what about me makes you envy me, then post this in your LJ and see what makes me envious of you!

5. More interview questions, this time from til_midnight:

( In which I talk about books, the Oil and Petrochemical Refinery State, and Neil Gaiman )

6. No, I haven't forgotten it's Fandom Wednesday.

a. Morality 4: Draco, could you please stop talking like you're in a Mario Puzo novel? You're ruining the plot.

b. The pornish_pixies May Fantasy Fest: Am writing for deirdre_riordan and quite looking forward to it. Libraries are involved. A chance to be nerdy and write pr0n. It just doesn't get any better. Still in the outlining phases, though.

c. I am not dropping my Skyehawke account, because I have no personal reason to. I don't write chan. I don't care if other people write it; it's just not my thing. I find it infinitely more interesting to write and read adult characters and place almost all my fics out of Hogwarts. That's just me. Another good reason for me to keep my Skyehawke account is that I have a diverse range of fic, rated PG to NC-17, slash, femmeslash, and gen (I need to write het. I even have ideas for it! Just haven't gotten to it yet), and Skyehawke right now is the only site that allows me to archive everything I've written in one place. I understand why others might want to pull their accounts, and I support their reasons for doing so, but I'm staying. (Hey, aesc, can I play at your site maybe too?)

d. ( Distant Early Warning: We don't warn for books, so I don't warn for fanfic. Reasons and rants. )

Tags: memes, rants, writing
126: sick
780: one light, one mind, flashing in the dark, blinded by the silence of a thousand

Am so confused. Today is Wednesday, not Tuesday. Wednesdays are for fandom. But first, I want to express my sadness over Jerry Orbach's death. The first time Mr. Cedar and I watched Disney's Beauty and the Beast together, I pointed to Lumiere and said, "That's Detective Briscoe!" He didn't believe me. Then he did.

Fandom meme, from kennahijja:

( and it's all about a boy wizard in specs )

Life. Must prioritize it.

I don't feel like doing canon analysis, or speculating on book 6, or asking for donations of house-elf names for Morality for Beautiful Slytherins. I am capable, however, of cut-and-paste, so behind the cut tag is part of the Cruciatus Curse fic I'm working on, which used to have a title but doesn't anymore. It changes every time I open the file, and I still have no ending.

( But I do have a few paragraphs )


Titles for this fic keep drifting in and out, but I think I might not know the title until the fic is done or near done. Sometimes titles are obvious (Iscariot, Swords to Plowshares), sometimes they elude me and I end up giving titles that really don't fit the fics very well (Like the Finest Gold, When the Werewolf Comes Out of the Shrieking Shack, It's All Over). This one used to be called The Moral Meridian, but as I think it's not working so well anymore, plus I am NOT going to change the title of Morality for Beautiful Slytherins not just because that's the best title I've ever stolen, but it really does fit the fic.

Random notes,:

zeisgeist, I got a box of 25 galleys today. Expect an email.

mollymoon, hope the husband made it home okay.

eilanhp, I know we may not talk as much as we used to, but I still care, fwiw.

magis and ellen_fremedon, I'm planning to be in DC over Presidents' Day weekend. Shopping? Museums? Cool places in general? Have your people call my people.

Tags: fandom, writing
126: crappy
780: answer the phone I know that you're home I wanna get you alone

Two fandom posts in a row. Sorry, tetratitania ;)

Now that I have shown the entire fandom that I can't do math, I want to write about something that's been bothering me for about a week.

I have this friend that I love. Loved Friend's ex-boyfriend read some of my fic. Loved Friend's ex complained to Loved Friend about my fics, saying that I shouldn't be writing Harry Potter slash and porn, and that I was "wasting my talent."

I had two responses, one that I sort of muttered to myself and the other that I said to my friend.

I thought: Good thing he didn't see my page at Skyehawke, where I have all the fics that FictionAlley won't accept.

I said: Fuck him. Fuck him sideways with a pineapple, in fact.

chthonya, who is a lovely wonderful fandomer, started this thread on dark fic at FAP and asks those who write dark fic how it relates to the way they perceive real-life evil, if at all. Many interesting responses ensue, but no one talks about anyone else's perception of dark fic other than their own. Which is completely understandable. (This is going somewhere, I promise.)

In a past life, I wrote a lot of dark stories. I am a goth in a prep's body, and much of junior high was spent writing fairly morbid short stories. Some of it was expression of a little of what was going on in my life, but most of it was pure curiousity. I wasn't experienced enough to know that it's easiest to write what you know, so I wrote for shock value. And it got me noticed in a good way; people saw me as a talented writer. Maybe I had more talent than the average eighth-grader and maybe I didn't, but people seemed to think so and that was good enough for me.

Except.

More than once I got feedback on my stories--from fellow students, not the teacher--that said I was "wasting my talent" by writing dark stories that didn't involve princesses, adventure, or romance. I ignored them and even sort of got a kick out of them, because I felt the same way about writing then as I do now: I write to please myself, and if I like what I'm writing, and if I achieve anything through my writing, it is not a waste.

I don't consider myself an evil person, and obviously I don't know anything about being in a male/male relationship. But so the fuck what? That's why it's called fiction. Fiction is so much more fun to write than nonfiction, because you get to be and do and say anything and know that at the end of the day you are not the people in your story and you can go home and eat popcorn and watch CSI reruns. To tell me that I am "wasting my talent" by writing slash fanfiction is as ridiculous as telling me that I am wasting my uterus by not having children. Just because I don't write what you like does not make my writing a waste. I'm not so oblivious not to know that I'm a much better writer now than I was when I started in fandom, so if writing slash helped me become a better writer, why is it a waste?

Where do people get off saying that another writer "wastes" her talent on darkfic/slash/het/gen/romance/ferrets? Good writing is in the eye of the beholder, and as much as I dislike, for example, Richard Peck's works, I don't think he's wasting his talent. He is talented, and I won't deny that just because he writes books I don't like. Perhaps those that complain fear what they read. I don't know anyone who writes fluffy romance who gets told that she's "wasting her talent," but I cannot be the only one who's received multiple criticisms for my "wasteful" darkfic and slash. Maybe reading darkfic makes them think about a darker aspect of themselves, or brings up something they'd rather not think about. If it does bring up those thoughts they're afraid of, though, then hasn't the writer accomplished something? "Wasteful" or not, the writer has produced a reaction in the reader. Maybe the reader thinks that his reactions to the fic are wasteful. In any event, I'm not sorry for what I write.

I don't like it when people tell me I'm "wasting my talent." I can sing, too, you know. Am I wasting my talent by not being an opera singer? Or maybe I'd be wasting my talent if I sang songs by Wagner, because I'm Jewish. Insane, all of it. The real waste would be to not pursue what makes me happy, which is what fanfic does. Obviously I've "wasted" people's time by writing darkfic and slash, but that's their problem, not mine.

Tags: fandom, writing
126: moody
780: now this looks like a job for me so everybody just follow me 'cause we need a little controversy

Happy birthday to moonlitroses!

I remembered that today is Wednesday, so it's time to talk about fandom stuff! Yay.

( Why I write the characters I do, and wondering if other people think the same way. )

Tags: fandom, writing
126: contemplative
780: sorry I'm not home right now I'm walking in the spiderwebs leave a message and I'll call you back

Censorship link of the day: Whale Talk challenged in Georgetown, South Carolina. Whale Talk is not a favorite of mine by any stretch of the imagination, but this is just insane. Maybe I'm just less selfish than most, but I don't think my beliefs should be put upon others if they don't want them.

On a bright note, librarians are loved at Johns Hopkins.

Although my apartment is still a mess and there are dirty dishes in my sink and clean laundry on my bed, I wrote 1,411 words of Morality for Beautiful Slytherins this weekend. I've started the exposition of Major Plot Point and worked a little ahead, writing some scenes that I'll fill in later. Ending: still nonexistent. But that's okay. I've still got a way to go. I have not felt this consumed by a fic since I wrote My Intended, My Ivory, My Station, My River, and it's damn good to have that feeling back. I don't want this to turn into Cedar Waxing Poetic About How Cool Writing Is, because Cedar is not a writer or even a trained reader and hasn't any license really to talk about writing, but there's no denying that it's a pretty good feeling to wake up and think, "I want to work on this fic," after you get done thinking, "I have to call the rental office again and get them to come in and fix these damn heaters because they rattle so loudly I can't sleep."

Today's care package: large bag of British teen novels, including the twelfth Darren Shan Vampire Saga book, the next Alex Rider book, which won't be out in the US until April, and a Garth Nix book I didn't ask for which was either a freebie or belongs to my very sweet British Teen Advisory Board member who sent his father to the bookstore with a list when said father went to England last month. I'd also like to take this moment to say that British covers are usually much more attractive/provocative/shiny than their American counterparts. This amuses me. America always seems to be so entranced with Teh Shiny, yet their books aren't as pretty as the UK versions. Oh, but I forgot. Americans who read are nerds.

Yes, I missed Fandom Wednesday last week. It will return this week. I think I even have a topic.

To do: annotations, attempt to get through another 50 pages of Inkheart, start Ruby Electric, get Marcy's oil changed, try on pants I bought on Saturday.

Random observation: It is now cool to like classic rock. Evidence: Mr. Cedar and I were at Hot Topic on Saturday, because he bought me a shirt for Hannukah and although I loved the shirt (it said "Muggle"), it didn't fit very well. While we were wading through every goth in north Jersey in a 100-degrees-Fahrenheit store trying to find something for which I could exchange the shirt and then standing in line to do the exchanges, I heard not one but two Rush songs. Two. Throw in a little Led Zeppelin and I might just have to bring out my closet goth side once in a while.

Tags: 2004, books, censorship, writing
126: accomplished
780: shut your mouth I just can't take it again and again and

Of special interest to hvaharu. And others.

I'm taking an online writing course, because, well, I've never had any kind of training in writing and figured that it's high time I did. The course is free and I'm borrowing the two required textbooks from the library, so I figured the worst that could happen is that I'll lose a few hours. The fiction we're reading is F. Scott Fitzgerald's The Great Gatsby, which is good but not as good as I remember it being. I was told I'm supposed to find Gatsby intriguing, but I don't, really. *shrugs* Anyway...

In the "lecture," in which I learned that I am woefully illiterate, the instructor said that there are characters in every work of fiction and asked if we could think of any examples otherwise. I mentioned Ray Bradbury's story "There Will Come Soft Rains," which has no human characters, and I also brought up Jay McInerney's Bright Lights Big City, which has (drum roll, Helen) a second-person narrator. I commented with:

I know there is a main character, who, btw, is kind of obnoxious and unlikeable. However, I have a fascination with second-person point of view and I think the POV works best as a sort of voice of conscience to the narrator. But given that the point of view is speaking TO the main character rather than ABOUT the main character, where's the standing of characters in a second-person novel? (I don't deny the existence of characters in a second-person novel.)

and the instructor replied:

Cedar, the second person "you" is very distinct and individual character the way the author's constructed it. It's the narrator talking to the main character, as you say, and in the process we're shown a lot of information about that character so they become an authentic entity—as opposed to a more general, vague "you." It's an interesting point of view strategy, indeed.

I never considered the second-person voice as being a character unto itself, but I will have to think on this. I also have to complete this week's writing exercise, which involves forming the foundation for *gasp* original characters.

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO WRITE ORIGINAL CHARACTERS!

This is going to be interesting.

As far as the other students are concerned, about a third of them are wannabe novelists who have been writing for years and years and years. Some say they want to write and are taking the course to learn new things, and some don't mention it at all. Going by the introductions/biographies, I am the only fanfic writer in the class. I don't know at this point whether that's a good thing or a bad thing. It's not that I think being a fanfic writer is a bad thing. I swear, everything I know about reading and writing I learned in fandom. But now I have to go out and create characters all on my own, which of course is the most difficult part of writing. For this particular activity, the step before creating someone from scratch, I have to make a list of everyone I've ever known and find out exactly how good my memory is and then write how one particular person had an impact on my life. The size of the impact is up to me to choose. I then have to share my writing and answer whether or not I think this person would make a good character in a book. I suppose that depends on the writer.

Speaking of writing, I have not done any in too long. I tried to write this weekend and my mind was just completely blank. I think I need my own apartment.

Tags: writing
126: cold
780: I know you see me shakin' and the way I break it down I got the whole world quakin'

There's this mother that comes into our library once a week or so and she has these two little brat children, about 2 and 4, who she lets run around the library unsupervised, and Jenny thinks that one of them broke the Legolas figurine on my desk. I came in this morning and he was gone, even though the base he stood on is still there. Brats. And of course, according to the mother the children can do no wrong.

Books: I'm 75 pages into Doing It by Melvin Burgess and will probably finish it later today or this evening. I'm saving judgement for when I finish, but so far I really like it. Yeah, it's prurient. I don't care. I think the mind of the teenage boy is pretty well portrayed, and dare I say that there are even some parts that are pretty hot?

But that got me thinking.

I read a lot of erotica, both fanfic and original works. Thank you, fandom. Reading erotica and reading about what makes a work of writing erotic has changed my view of what is sexy over the years, and I'm glad for it. Not that I'm ashamed of what I used to think, but my views have expanded, which is never a bad thing. However, I have to giggle at myself when I think a part of Doing It is hot, because I wonder how many teen readers see it the same way. It's definitely not that I don't think teens are sexual beings. Of course they are. I was sneaking erotica and slash fanzines when I was 11, maybe even younger, and I fully acknowledge that teens are curious about sex.. We all are/were. I wonder, though, if they know how hot some of the writing is. And Teh Slashy in The Chocolate War and Shattering Glass. For three days last week almost all the discussion on YALSA-BK was on Doing It and the debate over what kind of library it belongs in, what makes a book worthy of buying, reviews, and other general library stuff. I think it'd be more fun to talk about subtext and eroticism, but I really ought to finish the book first.

Also, I need help.

As some of you know, I really hate to cook. I own one cookbook, and it's at Mr. C's parents' house. However, I recognize that I have to cook 'cause I have to live, and making meals at home is one of the best ways to save money so that I can have more money to spend at Lush. (stop that laughing, mollymoon) However, I haven't a clue as to what to make. I make the second-best Caesar salad on the planet (after Pa Cedar), some pretty good peanut soup, and a nice baked chicken dish with Swiss cheese and some other stuff, but that's the extent of my repertoire. I couldn't even keep a guest entertained for a week. So all of you who do cook, what do you make that doesn't take a lot of time, doesn't involve a lot of specialty pots or pans or spices, and that makes for good leftovers so I don't have to cook as much. Remember, you're talking to someone who only owns pots and pans because her mother-in-law had an extra set. I also have a teeny Foreman grill and a 10x14 glass baking dish. But I don't own a saltshaker.

I also thought a lot this weekend about fandom essays and posts and basically anything fandom-related that isn't fic, but that's for another post.

Tags: books, i work with crazy people, writing
126: busy